Tag Archives: Learning

Treasured Beyond Measure Pt. 2

Part 1: “The Lies We Believe”

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Chapter 1: “A Man Will Validate My Worth” (Also, Myth 1.)

Before you begin reading, grab a cup of coffee or hot tea, wrap yourself up in a blanket and allow your heart to open to fresh and new ideas. Let’s forget what you’ve been told by friends and family about men maybe everything they told you is true or maybe false, but let’s open our hearts and minds to other possibilities and maybe we can make progress to the gigantic wall you’ve built from heartbreaks and things in your past that have hurt you.

Here are a few questions from the book to prepare us for this first chapter:
-“Who do I say God is?”
-“How important are God’s thoughts in my everyday living?”
-“What do I believe God thinks about me?”
-“How does God describe me?”
-“How is God calling me to change?”

I just want to note: If you are reading this and do not believe in God, it is okay. There is still really good information in this post for you to learn from. If you’re reading this and you’re not very close to God, but you believe there is something or someone out there that’s bigger than us, great! I encourage everyone from anywhere to read these next posts from this book! I learned so much from reading this book and it has helped my mind grow and mature and I have to say, I wouldn’t be the woman I am today if I didn’t read this book.

If you haven’t read my other blog post, you can read it here! I begin telling you about my story. Now, I truly believe that every woman has a story to tell and maybe it hasn’t happened yet and maybe it just happened.

Growing up was tough, let’s be real. As a kid, we struggle with finding our true self and quite honestly, I feel like we don’t find that true self until we’re much older. I didn’t find myself truly until after college. I know that I was always nice, kind, and would never hurt a fly. I was a born an athlete, playing soccer for years and years playing on 3 teams at a time! But, still, growing up was really difficult. I wasn’t the most popular girl in school but I had friends, some would go behind my back and some I would watch go behind other friends backs. But most of all, I struggled with boys.

I was always a tom boy. Since kindergarten, I always hung out with the boys. I always thought they were easier to get along with than girls were and that is semi true. I wasn’t a big fan of all the drama and the things that young girls would talk about. I just simply wanted to kick the soccer ball and score! Or score the game winning points in basketball, or even baseball! I can’t really say I even searched for much attention from anyone, but when I got the attention I didn’t have a problem with it either :).

I have a fantastic father, but I didn’t get the much needed daddy daughter attention that I wanted growing up. Which I hinted was the reason why I had to have my first boyfriend in 3rd grade. Since than, if I didn’t have a boyfriend… let’s just say, I had to have a boyfriend. It made me feel wanted, loved, cherished and special! I didn’t feel lonely either.

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Needless to say, when I opened this book and read the first “lie” or “myth” stating that a man will validate my worth and realizing that this was not true. I gave my full attention to the rest of this chapter wanting to know how this is possible!

Continuing through the chapter I come upon a part where she quotes from a book called “The Fantasy Fallacies” by Shannon Ethridge that always needing to feel loved and wanted from other men could be because of “unsolved daddy issues.” DADDY ISSUES!? I sat there stunned but continued to read on, even more intrigued. I thought to myself, well this makes sense. My dad was never abusive, he was a tough dad but he never physically hurt me. I just never got a whole lot of attention at such a young age. So, it made perfect sense for me to seek it else where.

I don’t want to just sit here and point the finger because quite honestly, I listened to temptation. It all started with Adam & Eve, the devil disguised at a serpent slithered over to Eve and convinced her to eat the apple from the forbidden fruit and of course dragged Adam along in it. If you are unfamiliar with the story of Adam & Eve, open your bibles and go to Genesis, Chapter 3 and read it.

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So, the devil in disguised told me, “hey, you need men to validate your worth” and I listened.

So you want to hear the truth? “No earthly relationship can substitute for our intimacy with God. Men, though created in God’s image, are not God; they cannot save. And, like us, they were born with a fallen nature” (page 25, if you’re following along with me).

So, like I said, regardless of how BIG or how small your story is, we all share one thing in common. The devil seeks to destroy us. He does not want us to share a close relationship with God. So instead, he tells me a man will fill the empty hole in my heart.

“The one thing I hope my daughter knows about men is… that no man will ever love her perfectly. The only One who will ever love her perfectly is Jesus. When she is loved perfectly by Jesus, she will be perfectly okay with whom she is and can patiently wait for God’s perfect choice for her.” – Denny Bates.

Here is the truth and I loved reading this.. once I read this in the book, my broken heart which was cold and crippled from the man I was with (who at the time, cheated on me). My heart was filled with warmth, happiness, and a slightly bigger smile than I was used too…

“Only God can validate your worth, and He loves you deeply, madly, passionately!” (pg. 28)
How great is this feeling? To have someone love you that much and to never stop loving you that much is just so heart warming. At the time of reading this, I was very badly bruised.. my heart was ripped into tiny piece, scattered everywhere and in my mind, I could just see God smiling at me and holding a few of those pieces in His hand, magically piecing them back together. I felt hopeful, and for the longest time I did not feel alone anymore.

So, I think it’s important to include the questions Julie Gorman asks you in this book. This would be a great time to bring your journal out, if you have one or use your phone notebook and reflect on these questions. You can take as long as you need or as short as you need, you don’t even have to answer them on paper, just in your head. But answer them honestly, it’s just you there is no one else you have to talk to. So help yourself by being honest.

  1. Is my happiness contingent upon a man?
  2. Do I care more about a mans opinion then I do about God’s opinion?
  3. Do I allow a man to define my worth, or do I listen to who God says I am?
  4. Have I compromised my faith in order to pursue a man?
  5. Do I struggle, thinking I’ll be happy when I find a man; or wonder, maybe I married the wrong man?pexels-photo-116394

Reflect on yourself, be honest, ask God to help you and listen closely to see if He is saying anything to you as you go through these questions.

As we near the end of the chapter in this book. There is a section of verses to consider:

  1. Isaiah 55: 1-3
  2. Hosea 2:7
  3. Hosea 3:1
  4. Romans 5:6-8
  5. John 4:13-14

(on page 32-33; there are verses and more questions to help reflect and guide you).

Something to remember and I’ll quote this because she wrote it so nicely in the book, “remember, a man (though a wonderful treasure) is in search of his own significance and is incapable of providing your worth. Maintaining a healthy relationship hinges upon your personal relationship with God.” (page 36).

Closing Thoughts

This chapter right off the bat, hit home for me. I always thought I had to have a man to be worth something to someone. When really, all I needed to do was love myself through God. It felt really good to read that I don’t have to be in a relationship with another man because I am loved constantly.

Now today I am with my boyfriend, Matthew and I truly believe this is the man God wants me to be with. I truly believe He gave me these hard life lessons so that I could be prepared for this man He brought into my life. The difference between Matthew and the other boys I have dated… is quite simple. God is the center of my life, God fills the emptiness that is in my heart & I found satisfaction in a relationship with God. I understand that Matthew will not satisfy me completely the only one that can do that is God.

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We are all children of God, whether we believe in Him or not. We were all created to have a relationship with Him.

I pray that regardless of the situation that you’re in today with the story of your life, that you will find peace and happiness in the comfort of knowing that you’re loved.

Thank you for taking the time to read my blog, I really hope you enjoyed my post. Again, this is all from the book: “What I Wish My Mother Had Told Me About Men” by Julie Gorman. You can pick this book up at Lifeway Bookstore.

I hope everyone has a wonderful Monday!

Love,

Bryanna

 

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Treasured Beyond Measure Pt. 1

wall2She drifts down the cold, damp street. Hands in her pocket, heels clonking as they hit the pavement. Her long beige trench coat, unbuttoned, waving at the strangers passing by as the wind blows against her long brown hair. She keeps eye contact to a minimum. She does not look around her, with eyes only focused on the ground before her. She had it all; The man, the beauty, & the job that pays her well. But yet, she continues to try to find the answers on the emptiness that fills her heart.
She wonders why she can never find satisfaction in the man she cherishes and who loves her with all of his heart. She thinks back on the funny memories they had and shares a chuckle with the mid-afternoon streets of the city. Her smile returns to a firm grin as she begins to ask the same unanswered question, “Why am I not fully quenched? Why am I not truly happy?”

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This is an absolutely normal feeling, did you know that? Have anyone of you reading this post share something even remotely similar to this? I have! I am not ashamed of this feeling, this was the changing point in my life. Now, I was not that girl that I wrote about. I didn’t think I was beautiful. I thought I had the right man, after dating him for 2.5 years I believed he was the one I was going to marry. I was wrong on so many levels. Let me tell you just a hint of my story and how I told myself, after him, that I would never put myself through that mess again.

Growing up, I knew who God was. I knew about Him and I truly believed I was living the Christian life. I went to church every Sunday. I knew who God was, or so I thought. OH GOODNESS, how wrong I was! But before I tell you who God really is, let me fast forward to the time when I met the man I thought I was going to marry.

A few years ago, I met a boy at the place where I worked. We started dating and we had a great first year “honeymoon.” When the second year came around, I began developing anxiety, which to me at the time was so very scary. I was always irritable, rude, bickering about everything all the time but most of all, I was lonely. This boy and I lived together at my house for 1.5 years. But after a while, he stopped coming around. Long story short, he found another girl. I was devastated. But, after looking back on it now, I wouldn’t have wanted to come home to someone who was always bickering at everything I did.

BUT! It wasn’t all my fault. I went to a therapist to discuss what was wrong with my mind! I couldn’t leave the house, I was too scared. The panic attacks happened everyday sometimes twice a day! I couldn’t breathe, I couldn’t relax, I couldn’t be happy. I cried all the time and of course, I was lonely. I had my mothers support and tender love and care. But, I wanted to work through these problems with the man I thought I would marry.

After a few sessions, we dug deep into the words he was saying to me and I found out that there were a lot of red flags popping up left and right. My therapist allowed me to figure this out for myself though, it wasn’t her job to tell me to let him go. I won’t go into detail of the exact words he was saying to me… but in the end, the words basically said that I was not good enough. I truly believe that this was how my anxiety was created.

I was frantically trying to become someone that I wasn’t during those years being with him. Changing my hair, changing my style and what I listened too. These were my years where I tried to find out who I really was through materialistic things to be the best for him.

Needless to say, this is when God showed up and I knew it. That boy cheated on me and I said “were done.” Dropping off the last of his things felt amazing, like the weight of the world that was on my shoulders, began to dissolve. The anxiety began to disappear, not completely cause I still suffer minor anxiousness to this day. I began to smile again. Later did I realize that during all that time of heartbreak and loneliness, I was in chains. I was my own prisoner.

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SO, why did I tell you that? Well, I most certainly know that I am not the only woman who has gone through something like this.. Those are the moments in our life that God uses to help us grow! That moment was the game changer. I told God that I wanted to learn to love like He loves, I want to live my life how Jesus lived His. I wanted a life, through God. I wanted a relationship with the only man who truly believed in me and never ever gave up on me.

When I decided this, my mom took me to Lifeway and I picked up a book called “What I Wish My Mother Had Told Me About Men” by Julie Gorman. I asked God before walking in, to show me what He wanted me to read to help myself heal quickly.

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I want to go over this book in my first book series of my blog. I know a lot of women these days do not have the time to sit and read books. But this book is so important for women to read because it is a book on all the myths that social media tells us. Myths on how relationships are suppose to be and how men are suppose to be. But, she tells us how God wants us to be.

So, if you don’t have time to read this book. Tune into my blog and I can describe and give you reflections and questions that Julie Gorman asked me! Also, my views on the sections and chapters that I read.

I still recommend picking the book up and reading as much or as little as you would like on your own. I am not a professional writer and reading this book will give you the most benefit. It really is a great book to read and it has helped me and has opened my eyes and I guess you can say “matured” me for the man I am suppose to marry

Remember, we all have a story. It may not all be extreme, but everyone has their unique story. I wouldn’t mind hearing yours! Feel free to comment or send me an email if you every want to talk! Through these sections, I will be open for discussion, answer questions, etc.

Thank you for reading and tune in for Part 2.

Have a beautiful rest of your Sunday!

Love,

Bryanna